One of my best friends told me something important. It was profound. A truthbomb.
Divorces don't happen in church.
As such, they rarely leave half. The person that leaves isn't thinking about you. If you are that person, the one that took more than half, face the fact that you did a pretty shitty thing.
Real marriages co-mingle money. It's the way it goes. My money is his money, his money is my money, it is all our money, therefore half is mine and half is his. When someone leaves they should take only their part. That's how it goes when you leave as a grown-up. Sadly, it doesn't often go that way.I'm not saying half is the only way to end things, but it's the way to start for sure.
But let's just say for a minute ... He left and took only half. You have some cash .. likely not enough, but you are fortunate. Go to the bank. Now. Don't delay. Open a new account with ONLY your name. Move the money. Get as many past bank statements as you can get printed before you remove your name. My suggestion is the last 12 months of statements so you have them. Unless you are the one who pays the bills, you won't know what is due when, and how much unless you have the bank statements to show you. It's a way for you to get a good idea of the expenses that need paid, and where you can make adjustments. I also suggest you keep some cash. Maybe a couple hundred dollars in cash. Find a safe place for it - a friends, a safe at your house (don't forget to bolt the thing to the floor), and keep it for an emergency. If you happen to be the one who keeps the bank account, I kept our joint account, go to the bank now .. remove his name and turn off his bank card.
Also, put a freeze on your credit. Remember that has has all of your info - social security numbers, mother's maiden name, all of it. I'm certainly not accusing anyone of bad behavior, but it's better to be safe than sorry! And since you're doing that CHANGE EVERY PASSWORD YOU HAVE. Most men, or women, aren't terrible. They don't mean you harm, they just want out. But just in case you have the massive asshole, make it happen.
Now, let's say, you're left with nothing. No cash, no savings, nothing. They took it all. Believe it or not, it happens more often than not. You've got a problem. First things first.
1. Go to the bank, open a new account in only your name (add your mom or dad if you need to). Most banks will open an account with only a few dollars.
2. Change your paycheck to go into that account.
3. Set up a credit freeze with all the credit bureaus - go online to do it
4. If you have children, go to school and apply for reduced lunch if your income fits within the guidelines. You can find the information online for that as well.
5. If you need a place to live, I suggest you find a friend, or head to your parents. You're gonna need some money to get a new place. There are options for you with rent control places - but be careful to check out the places and don't put yourself in a place that isn't safe.
6. Now sit down and work out a plan.
You need to slow down and figure things out. Sure, you're probably going to have to fly by the seat of your pants for a minute if you're in a bad spot without cash, but you've got to keep your wits about you. You're gonna need groceries, and gas money and, and , and .. It's easy to get overwhelmed, but don't let yourself be. The court will protect you in the end, but you have to get there first. Think of where you can get help, make a list of 5 places you can get some. I promise it's out there. If you have friends that are divorced, make the connection and ask how they got through the first few weeks. They'll have good advice. Listen.
<3
Harper
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