Divorce is a whirlwind ride and it is clearly not for the faint of heart. As you are spiraling through the emotions of just trying to accept the fate that has been slapped down in front of you, being alone may be one of your biggest fears. It was one of mine. Notice the tense...WAS.
Initially, I felt like I had just been kicked off a team. Like the coveted team that I had cultivated my spot on. I never ever in a million years saw this coming. So there I was in the super emotional stage of it all, sobbing that I was destined for a life alone. I was in my 40's. Settled literally into my existence for better or for worse. I had resigned to this life and I was going to make the best of it. But then the surprise tsunami of a divorce hit. I had no life boat. No plan B. I was scrambling.
Divorce is like an onion. Layer upon layer gets peeled until you get to the heart of it. Alone is just the first layer. As you move through each layer glancing back, those fears that were knee jerk reactions suddenly seem unfounded. Life has a way of righting the wrongs and calming our fears.
I had some fears that were clearly unfounded, like, I swore I would die alone with a cat. But that was just my fear screeching to everyone. I was fearful at every turn. But as one of my best friends frequently reminded me...The way only out is through. Suddenly as I moved through each phase of the divorce process, the fear began to subside and I found myself not alone. I was in fact surrounded by an amazing community of support. For the first time since the D word was dropped, I felt hopeful, excited...even more alive than I ever imagined.
You see alone doesn't necessarily mean without a partner. Alone can manifest in many forms. As I started to embrace my "firsts", I became empowered. The things I relied on Mr. Genius to handle and took for granted, were now badges of honor. From taking the trash out to flying to a foreign country without him. Embrace the accomplishments as you reclaim your independence.
Suddenly I was looking forward to reclaiming my life, my space and my time. As I began to heal through the process, my kids saw my inner strength return and they relaxed. They needed to see the strong parent taking control of things again. I felt like I was back. I was ready for whatever Mr. Genius could fling at me next. Little did I know what (or in my case whom) was coming next...
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