You scheduled the date. Now What?!
I had that date scheduled .. in a place 3 hours from my house with a man I'd never really met before. Sure, I'd talked endlessly, and we'd texted until our fingers were sore, but he was still a stranger. I needed a plan.
I'd already googled him to death. He checked out there. Facebook. LinkedIn. All good. I think I had a good handle on what I could possibly know. I even checked out the state divorce case archives to see if he was truthful about his divorce. You can't be too careful with married people .. Mr Unzipped is dating and married - I learned my lesson from my own husband. You can do a search for "Texas divorce cases" and the archives to search come up. I checked a handful of other states as well to see, and it seems to be the case for most others as well so just replace Texas with your own state name in the search. It shows the whole case - from filing to final, so you can get a good idea of what you're dealing with there.
So after my own private investigator level clearing from online sources, I was ready to meet him. I was super excited, but it was also really scary. Still. A. Stranger. My girlfriends and I sat down and made some rules. Hard and fast, no fudging rules.
Send your date's first AND last name, phone number and new PHOTO of him that he sent you to your besties (not the one from the dating site)
Turn on your Location Services - and have someone connected to you so they can actually SEE your location. Always.
Meet at public locations only.
Tell people where you are going - and don't leave that location without telling someone
Send REQUIRED proof of life (think group selfie) to your besties when you arrive (REAL men won't have a problem with this - remind them they'd want to know this of their sister). If they say no, LEAVE.
Have your friends text you at 15 or 30 minutes in and require a specific prearranged word to be used in the reply.
Don't leave your drink. Don't get drunk.
Don't go to his house. Don't invite him to your house.
Text or call your friends when you're back home safely. WITHOUT company.
I know, I know. The rules seem so stupid. They seem like overkill and like your mom is making curfew, but remember, you've been out of the game for awhile and the new reality is that there are bad people out there. MOST of them are not bad. You'll meet some fantastic men, I promise! But, you have to be safe when you're dating.
And since we're talking about safety ... have you been STD tested yet? I was faithful to my husband. I never cheated, I didn't need STD testing, right? WRONG. Mr Unzipped was unfaithful. He says he used a condom, but I clearly quit trusting him, sooooo, I needed it. I made my appointment at my regular GYN. I was embarrassed and mortified that I made an appointment for such a thing when I'd been married for two decades. It's ok to be those things, but it's not ok to be ignorant. My Nurse Practitioner at the office is fan-freaking-tastic and walked in the room and says, "So, I hear your husband is an asshole. How's your vagina?" SHE is why I go there .. and she is why I don't feel like a loser when I'm in the office at 40+ getting STD testing. You can use a regular doc, your GYN, or a local blood draw clinic, all of them do the same testing. Go get it done. You need to know. And it's great if you can show your next partner that you are all set. Please, for all things Holy, require your new partner to do the same. Even if you're going to use condoms and are a safe sex girl, I don't care - shit happens. STDs are no bueno. And one of the last things you want to be dealing with is an STD. Seriously. For me .. everything came back clean - I was thankful, grateful, and relieved. Some of you might not be so lucky .. information and a plan is what you need next. Just one step at a time .. start with information, set a treatment plan, manage through it. You've got this!
As for me, I'm all set for this date. I've followed the pre-date rules. I'm prepared, and I've let people know where I will be. I've contacted a friend in the local area where I'm going and told her I was in town and what I was doing. She was on board with being my wingwoman in town if I needed it. I'm ready to meet Mr Knight!
Dating is weird. I'll tell you about the whole first date experience on Thursday!
Harper ❤
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