When the divorce drama starts there is usually one person who didn't see it coming and who was caught off guard. They are left on the sidelines picking their jaw up off the floor and wondering what just happened. Sadly, the other person had one foot out the door months ago and has very little emotional attachment to the relationship. They have also started a new life...elsewhere or are at least planning their new future without you.
It is in those coming weeks and months that we tend to notice our wedding ring more. We will cling to the symbolism of it. Not to say we didn't love it or appreciate it, but I know in those first two months every time I saw my soon to be ex and it was still on his finger, I breathed a big sigh of relief. To me, who read into every interaction, it meant maybe there was hope. I held onto the hope that if he had not removed it yet, there was still a chance for us. There wasn't and it was part of his master manipulation at the time...but I didn't know that. He knew I was clinging to hope and made sure his ring was visible. It wasn't until a month later, a new person was suddenly brought out. The ring came off a few weeks prior and it crushed me. I remember gasping when I saw it was missing and hearing him say "I haven't felt like I was married for some time now." Ouch.
That left me feeling awkward wearing mine. Like did I look like a fool with him parading a significantly younger version of me around town and here I was wearing my ring like I was clinging to the Titanic...certain it wasn't going to sink that I could save it. Save us. I kept it on until after our preliminary hearing which was 3 months after he left. It was at that hearing I realized there was no hope and no turning back. I sadly removed my ring and put it away. I was worried how Greyson and Hadley would react but they didn't even notice. They had given up on us the day he walked out the door. Kids know more than we give them credit for.
Putting my ring away was not as easy as the ex made it appear. I would sometimes open my jewelry box to look at it, but it felt weird when I would put it on for a brief moment. I just wanted to feel the rings presence. Today, I sometimes look at it to just still feel like I was once married and this was all not some dream that ended into a poorly written nightmare reality show. The symbolism, the belief of forever, the memories, all of those things were tied up in that little circle around my finger. I cherished my ring. I cherished what it meant to me.
I will go to touch it or if I bang my hand against something, I will subconsciously reach for it. Sometimes I will nervously try to spin it only to realize, it is not there anymore. The emotional tie to my wedding ring is still very prevalent even though the relationship ended almost 3 years ago. My marriage meant something to me as did my ring. But like my marriage, it was time to let my ring go.
I am not here to tell you when is a good time or a bad time to take your wedding ring off. Only your heart can tell you that. I am here to tell you it will get better. The hole you feel and the loss you will feel as you move through your divorce journey is leading you to something better and you will be stronger as you make your way through this process.
-Carrie
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