Sunday
The cycle of pain was started up again today. Mr. Genius came to get Hadley for church. Greyson wanted to stay home which meant he would have to come back yet again. Every attempt to discuss anything emotional was met with futile resistance. He will not allow himself to think about this decision. A decision he made without me. One that affects me profoundly. One that is impacting our children. Every time he slams that door shut, another piece of me crumbles into a million broken pieces. I am still at the point of accepting all of the blame that he is flinging at me. I would admit to almost anything at this point if it would make the pain stop. I was willing to absorb all the pain in the hopes that we can right the wrongs.
The problem with ripping the rug out from underneath someone is that one person usually does not see it coming. That is why it is called ripping the rug out from underneath. There is an element of surprise. It is planned that way. Years of being told everything is fine after an argument. Years of believing what is put in front of you. All the while, years of hidden anger boiling to the point of eruption. It is difficult to fight about something that happened six months ago, let alone things that have been tallied throughout the years. He wore a great mask according to my best friend. That is the problem with masks. When they come off you don't recognize the person standing in front of you. At that moment you do not even know where to start.
I was at that point with Mr. Genius. I had no idea what or whom I was dealing with. It was foreign. It felt like an invader. I was left clueless about which problem to tackle first.
-Carrie
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