What is it about divorce that confuses men about the purpose of Child Support? It is like the minute the judge orders them to pay they instantly dig in. My ex is ordered to pay less than what 5 trips to McDonalds a week would cost (if that helps you formulate a number!) and yet he still rarely pays weekly, or monthly or even in a timely manner. He will sometimes surprise us with payment when we least expect it. But he is not the anomaly. He is the norm.
I believe most men feel they are benefitting their ex and that is why they do not pay timely or in some cases at all. The reality is this...the nominal amount they are court ordered to pay typically does not cover all of the children's needs. I promise you the majority of us are just grateful for any assistance to help raise OUR (yes it is important to state they are both ours) children. It is not going to US to go get our hair done, etc. It is going towards the extras our children want and sometimes need.
I have found in several states there is help for those who are waiting on a check that never comes. It is called Title 4 (some states may go by different names but it is basically the same). If you contact your division of child and family services, they can steer you in the right direction.
I visited their office and was given an application and told I could not work with my attorney on any aspect of child support if I was accepted into the program. I am still working on a few minor details with him so I will save this for later.
The quick and dirty of the program is this...they will send a warning letter when your ex is in arrears, if it is not caught up they will seek to garnish their wages. If all else fails they haul them into contempt court. My response was "Oh yeah they have to be like tens of thousands behind." The lady behind the counter said not here they don't. That was nice to hear that someone is actually willing to advocate on our behalf. If all else fails, it can't hurt to look into this.
So bottom line on child support is they are not punishing us...they are punishing our children that we had together and love. Communication is key. First try to communicate your children's needs with your ex before it gets to this power struggle. Everyone involved will benefit.
-Carrie
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